Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Iron Bound Kisses - First Two Paragraphs

Lets try an experiment.  Below you will find two writing excerpts.

The first is the original first two paragraphs of my rough draft for Iron Bound Kisses.  Minimal editing was done and my knowledge of the editing and publishing world was next to nil at the time.  This was written years ago, back when I was in college...

If you were to ask me today I probably still wouldn't be able to explain why I joined the circus. I'm still not sure what exactly led me there, perhaps I was bored and wanted something new. Perhaps fate placed her hand on my shoulder and pushed me in that direction. Perhaps it was just chance. Or perhaps he called to me.

Whatever the reason I found myself, on that stormy evening, standing inside the large tent with my duffel bag slung over my shoulder as I faced the manager. The manager, who was currently holding my poor excuse for a resume, was a large man dressed in bright red show clothes. His thick brown hair curled tightly around his face and a thick mustache climbed up from his nose. His dark brown eyes glanced from the yellowed paper full of my neat scrawlings to my face, scrutinizing my blank and emotionless expression. I remained silent as he fiddled with his mustache, waiting.

Second: we have the first two paragraphs of the story I submitted to Dreamspinner late 2014 which I have since signed for them to publish later this year.  Actually, the part above became several paragraphs, technically.

If you were to ask me today, I still wouldn't be able to explain why I wanted to join the circus. Perhaps it was out of boredom and a desire for something new.  Perhaps I had gotten tired of notching a time card on a daily basis and reporting to a job that, no matter how interesting it was the first day, always wound down into tedious repetition.  Perhaps Fate placed her hand on my shoulder and pushed me in that direction -- if you believe in that sort of thing.  Or, maybe it was her distant cousin, Chance.
Perhaps... he called to me.
Whatever the reason, I found myself standing inside a large tent with my duffel bag slung over my shoulder as I faced the circus manager.  The storm outside had completely soaked my sweater, making it cling to my thin body instead of hide it.  My long ponytail was dripping down my back, loose dirty blond strands sticking to the side of my face that I quickly brushed away. I had tried to dry off during the last part of the show in the circle of porta potties, but a handful of paper towels proved to be ineffective.  Without a real towel and a fresh change of clothes it was the poorest presentation one could have for an interview. But there I stood, shoes drenched and laces covered in mud.  There was no sense in standing the interview up after all that effort.  

As you can see they are wildly different.  So here's the question...

How much of a change do you think there will be after my new editors take a look at it?  Stay tuned as I'll post once we're done ^__^

Iron Bound Kisses is the story of Thomas, a young man who thought he was just joining the circus for a summer job.  What he didn't expect was to fall for Isle, the strange non-existent circus member who lives in the manager's trailer.  What's so special about him?  Why isn't anyone allowed to talk to him?  And why can't Thomas stop thinking about him?

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